


My Golden Cage

by Odazai



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catholicism, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odazai/pseuds/Odazai
Summary: All Link wants is to be able to love Tokusa freely.
Relationships: Howard Link/Tokusa
Kudos: 4





	My Golden Cage

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a hot minute since I posted a Link/Tokusa, but I'm back... Hope you enjoy. A little gift for Link's birthday

Link knew he was staring at Tokusa again and he knew he should keep his feelings to himself. It was improper to have feelings for another man. But his feelings were like butterflies begging to flit about in the open air.

He felt like an unmade puzzle, in pieces.

“Howard,” Tokusa called, running up at Link. He plopped down in Link’s lap and smiled at him.

“We’re in a library,” Link said, trying to quickly throw a blanket over pieces of his heart so Tokusa wouldn’t see them.

“Whatever.” Tokusa was pouting now, and even that was adorable to Link. This was all too much. His heart was racing. He had to get out of there. And find a church.

“I have to go,” Link said, staring at Tokusa and hoping he would get up of his own accord.

“Oh,” Tokusa looked disappointed, but it certainly couldn’t have been because he had feelings for Link. “Yeah, that makes sense. I should get to class anyway.” He got up and then bid look goodbye before running off to his next math class.

On the walk to the Catholic Center Link thought about what Tokusa meant to him. They had been friends since the fifth grade when Link moved to Cincinnati where Tokusa was born. It was love at first sight for Link. His face had flushed, his brain had ceased to function like a broken computer. And it had been like a computer, everything perfectly calculated, until Tokusa sent everything beautifully off-kilter.

When he got to his destination, there was a line for confessions, so he waited behind the last person. Link lived a relatively sin-free life except for indulging his inappropriate thoughts about Tokusa.

Link cleared his throat to empty his head of thoughts of Tokusa because if he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about him in that way at all, he certainly wasn’t supposed to be thinking that way in a church.

Before Link knew it, it was his turn.

He sat down and took a deep breath. “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been—”

“What did you do?” the priest asked, sounding highly disinterested.

“I’ve been… entertaining… thoughts about my male best friend.” Link was struggling to stay calm, which was fairly normal when he was sitting in this seat, but today was worse because Tokusa had sat in his lap and that had brought up all sorts of feelings Link was never used to dealing with. He felt like a baby lamb trying to walk.

“Does he like you back?”

Link’s eyes went so wide until they couldn’t go any wider. “Excuse me?” Link asked, trying to keep quiet because there were people close by.

“Look, kid, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I can tell you one thing: if you want something and it doesn’t hurt anyone, including yourself, to get it, then go get it.”

Looking over, Link could make out very little through the holes in the partition except for long, red hair. “What’s your name?”

“So you can report me? Tyki Mikk.”

“Lying is a sin.”

“We’re all sinners, kid.”

Link sighed. He knew that, but that didn’t stop the extreme guilt every time he sinned. Especially when it was a Tokusa-related sin. “Thank you for your help.” Link decided to leave it at that.

“Your welcome,” the priest said as Link took his leave. Though, he sounded sarcastic.

One day, Link would find out that man’s name and let someone know he was doing an awful job, but for now, he was content to bask in the feeling of his butterflies pushing at the enclosure Link had built around them. Soon, he would set them free.

Quickly, Link buried that thought where he buried his feelings for Tokusa.

* * *

There was something about the way Tokusa smiled. It was like he was letting the weight of the world leave his shoulders every time his lips quirked up. It was incredibly breathtaking.

“Howard?” Tokusa asked, worry burning up his beautiful smile.

“Yes?”

“You okay? You seem worried about something.” Tokusa frowned. “Actually, you always seem worried about something. What’s that about?”

Link knew he was blushing, so he looked away. “I’m fine, thank you.”

When Tokusa said, “Ah, is it about a girl?” his smirk was heavy in his voice.

“No.” It would never be about a girl. It would never be about anyone but Tokusa. “Eat your salad.”

There was the crunching of leaves for a few minutes before Tokusa said, food in his mouth, “Okay, but let me know if you ever want to talk. I have a lot of experience with a lot of people, regardless of gender.”

Link knew that, but it still stung like antiseptic to the cuts in his heart to hear it again. “Okay.” He ate another bite of cake. It did nothing to soothe his anxiety.

A cold finger poked his cheek. When he looked at Tokusa, Tokusa shoved a forkful of Caesar salad into his mouth. It didn’t taste as good as the cake, but because Tokusa had given it to him, he didn’t mind. “Eat something with fiber in it, you’ll stay full for longer.”

Once Link had chewed and swallowed, he said, “Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“For the past nine years, you’ve been guarded and you don’t have to tell me why, but are you okay?” Tokusa dragged his words like he was carefully pulling them from his brain.

Link felt like his tongue was stuck. He opened his mouth, but little more than soft air came out.

“You’re not.” While Link was thankful that they were in the privacy of Tokusa’s apartment, he still had no idea what to do with himself, palms sweating, when Tokusa got an inch away from his face and asked, “Is it me, _Howard_?” in Bavarian German. His voice was low and seductive

_Lying is a sin._

“Yes.”

“Good, then I can do something about it.” Without letting Link ask what that was, Tokusa kissed his forehead. His lips were gentle like the caress of the wind on a summer morning. “Can I kiss you? For real?”

“I’ve never kissed anyone.” Tokusa already knew that, but Link felt the need to share it.

Tokusa nodded. “I can guide you through it.”

Link swallowed. “What do I mean to you?”

Tokusa’s eyes went wide and then they relaxed as a smile lit up his gorgeous features. “I love you, Howard Link.”

For years, Link had longed to hear those words from Tokusa, but he never imagined they would be said so sweetly, lacking any judgement or requirements of reciprocation. “Tokusa, I love you too, but I can’t act on it.”

“Link, for once, don’t worry about being a good Catholic and just worry about what you want.”

Link recalled what that terrible priest had said to him and inhaled sharply at the realization that he had always done what he was told. His Uncle Malcolm had raised him Catholic after his parents had died when he was two and he had stayed that way without questioning it until now. But, in this moment, he truly wondered if he could still strive to be a good _person_ and get what he wanted.

“I met a priest today at confession and he said, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, I should go get what I want, and I want you.”

Tokusa sighed against Link’s forehead, rustling his blond bangs. “Okay, Howard. Then, kiss me.”

Link nodded, Tokusa had gotten closer, so their noses rubbed together and it sent sparks dancing across Link’s skin. Clumsily, he tilted his head and then closed the distance so their lips touched.

It was like Link’s very first memory, innocent and sweet. From that moment on, Link promised he would follow his heart as long as he and the people around him were staying safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
